Musings from the Moon

“Demons do not exist any more than gods do, being only the products of the psychic activity of man” ~Sigmund Freud

It is no secret that I was baptised and raised in the Roman Catholic faith. I attended a Catholic school for the first 8 of my formative years, and ironically the demons that I personally encountered in those years were not from the spiritual realms at all, though they claimed to be. The demons that plauged me looked like penquins and snapped like vipers……they also looked eerily like a few of my siblings.

I found myself most haunted in the two places in which I should have felt safety and comfort ~ home and school; I never felt safe in either. Ever. I used to wake early and walk the 1.5 miles to school each day (yes, really, I did walk that far) as young as 6 years old in order to have time to go into the church each morning and pray that I and no one else would get verbally or physically abused by the nuns that day…..or when I arrived home there would be inner peace for me, or at least no one would touch me. This continued every morning for the next 8 years, until I was almost 14 and left not only the church, but my home as well. As I grew, so did my demons.

Were these things that haunted me, the right to personal safety, unconditional love and an education thoughts of my own making? Whatever did give me the right to think that I was worthy of these things? I saw others have them. I saw others safe, happy and whole…..how could I be so broken at 14? Surely, I felt, that God was not on my side, but something other worldly may be…..

It was not long after that I dismissed the notion of both and solidly decided that there was no God, there was no Devil, there was no religion, and the demons that continued to writh in me were of my own making. I was simply a victim of being born to the wrong people and as such I was at the mercy of demons of THEIR own making. That generational thing, that cylical thing…..the passing down of demons from those that not conquered theirs. A legacy…a damn dark legacy.

I was an athiest for many years as I struggled to raise myself. I exercised those demons of my childhood by making myself believe, lock, stock and barrel in the Big Bang Theory and once you are 6 feet under, that is all you are. There is no one to help you but yourself, so if you can’t make it, get over it and get it done with.

I had obligatory, or what seemed obligatory anyway, dealings with my family over this time, and it seemed to me that the farther I got away from them a paradox built. The demons lessened and grew. I was my own champion but what I endured haunted me everyday and I struggled to make sense of it all.

It made no sense.

When I was 23 or so, my father passed on. Interestingly enough, about 3 weeks prior, I had told someone at work that my father was either dead or would be soon. A week later I got the phone call that he was in the hospital; two weeks later he was gone. My mother never let me go to the hospital to say good bye, or hell, hello, even. She stated that she didn’t want me to remember him that way. Trust me, it would have been ok.

I did attend the funeral, however.

At the viewing I put in his casket a necklace of mine, and told him that if there was anyway that he could come back, please do….perhaps we could come to some resolution of our relationship, or lack thereof.

Perhaps we could exercise those demons.

And so began my incredible personal journey that still continues today. My father started to visit me in my dreams. Alot. We had conversations. He told me of his own demons with which he lived. He opened up to me his deep dark secrets and why his love affair with alcohol was the only salvation he found while on the earth plane. How his personal demons were so deep that they never had the benefit of scarring – they stayed open always. Death was his salvation and joy. Life was beautiful there, he told me. He was whole and pure and filled with light….that the only hell was that of our own making…..it is called free will….we can change our course at anytime and those demons? Well they are lessons in disguise.

Hmmmmmmm…….free will………yep, that term seems to ring a bell…….where did I hear THAT one before?

My true quest then began. Obviously first in dream analysis to try and gain an understanding of why I had exponencially more discussions with my father in my dreams that I could ever hope to when we were both living. Doors to esoteric study open for me one by one, and by the time that my son was born, 5.5 years after my father’s death, the door to “nothing but the Big Bang Theory and 6 feet under” had been personally closed with a resounding slam. I knew that there was way more to this earth plane and those planes beyond that any hard science could ever hope to explain.

And Sigmund Freud……….blow another line, ’cause the only thing that you did get right is the generational cycle of passing down personal demons. The rest is BS, but I do have to offer my admiration for being a leader in your field, as misguided as your studies and conclusions were.

The radio show tomorrow is a discussion on demonology. The “real demonology”; the study of supernatural beings that are evil. The demons of the Catholic Church, et al. Do I believe them to exist? I don’t know as I am more prone these days to search out angels.

What I do know is this: The demons that are passed down from generation to generation, the demons that are created from our own misfailings and misunderstandings of why we are here, are a million times more damaging than those writhing beings in “The Garden of Earthly Delights”; and to exercise them completely could, and often does, take people a lifetime.

I will always qualify my musings with “It is of MY opinion”…..and it is for this posting the idea that that we are here on this earth plane to evolve. We are here to learn lessons for spiritual evolution of ourselves and our planet.

I believe in a marriage of destiny and free will. Those situations that we encounter, experience and live through………those demons in the making are a part of our destiny here on the earth plane. The are lessons that we live through in order to evolve. Sometimes they are brutal beyond comprehension.

Free will is the part where we have the choice to continue to create them in order to evolve, but more importantly, to be able to EXERCISE them for the same reason.

As much as personal demons are a curse, they are a blessing.

Now as for the other ones……………..I withold comment until after the show.

I welcome yours always, though…..comments that is!